During an interview, the topic of the “preferred grandparent” came up. I hope you don’t know what I’m talking about—but chances are, you probably do. It’s that sinking feeling that, despite your best efforts, you’re the “less important” grandparent. Grandparent B.

I’ll be honest. Without realizing, I had stumbled into this unhealthy realm of comparison. At first, I reminded myself how blessed our grandkids are to have two sets of loving grandparents. And I believed that—truly. But over time, I started noticing that the other grandparents seemed to know more, hear news first, and get more recognition. I began to feel… less than. Insecure.

I reasoned with myself: “This isn’t a competition. I don’t want it to be.” I decided to show up when I could and not let those feelings get in the way of the relationships I treasure. Before long, those emotions seemed to be a thing of the past. 

But then came a tough week. My bottled-up insecurity spilled into a family situation that had already been painful (I’ll spare you the details). Thankfully, I’ve raised kind, caring kids. When my son realized how deeply I was hurting, he reached out right away. He helped me see that I’d started believing a false narrative.

Can you relate?

My friend offered a perspective that stuck with me. At a family meal, her son—the “funcle”—shared this wise observation:

You may rate yourself as “Grandparent B,” wishing that you were “Grandparent A” but in your grandchildren’s eyes, there is no Grandparent B. To them, you are all equally important.   

Light bulb! This resonated. My own kids had a set of grandparents that lived in town and one that lived 2,000 miles away. Both put effort into their relationships and I truly believe that my children did not have one set of grandparents taking priority in their heart over the other. 

So let me reassure you: in most families, there is no Grandparent A or B. Keep showing up and doing what you can. Your presence matters. Your love is felt. You are an irreplaceable part of your grandchild’s life.