A few years ago, Christina and her husband, Scott, made the decision that she would retire from teaching and help out with babysitting their two granddaughters. It was a hard decision to make financially, but Christina was motivated to make it work.

“I didn’t want to miss out on this time. In a blink of an eye, it’s over with,” she said, recognizing that while childhood will continue, this stage of having their full attention and interest goes by quickly. She explained that soon the girls would be getting involved in activities, and the time to truly invest in this relationship would slip away.

“People I know are skipping this whole phase. They are skipping over grandparenthood.” She explained that other grandparents she knows view this stage as “their time.” Now that they have reached this point in their lives, they don’t want to invest extra time into developing strong relationships with their grandchildren. She added, “They don’t know what they’re missing because they’ve worked their [rear ends] off, and they believe this is their time. But you can do both. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing… you don’t have to babysit five days a week.” Emphasizing that it’s about balancing quality time, she cautioned, “…but you should also see them more than just on holidays.”

Christina is more than a grandma I know. She is married to my cousin, Scott. They’ve been married for 36 years and are the parents of two adult children. They are both active people who transfer that quality into their grandparenting. But when I asked Christina how she manages full-time care three days a week with little children, she was honest with me.

“Recently retired, I proudly thought I could do this [babysitting] without a problem and have a beautiful meal on the table for my husband every single night.” However, reality quickly smacked her idealistic dreams down, as she’d collapse on the couch at the end of each day, completely exhausted. All she had strength left to do was tell Scott to pour himself a bowl of cereal for dinner (and pour one for her too).

“It [take-out] got expensive very quickly. So through trial and error, I learned that self-care was important. You have to do self-care.” She explained that she learned to get up earlier so that she could have some relaxing minutes in the morning, reading the newspaper and eating a good breakfast. In the afternoons, she explained, “I put together a quiet-time station for the girls with books and crayons and told them, ‘Our bodies are going to be quiet right now.’”

These adjustments helped Christina go “all in” with her granddaughters because that’s just who she is and how she likes to approach grandparenting. She’s a former kindergarten teacher, and they live in a beautifully moderate climate. Taking advantage of the outdoors is a must! They go to parks, beaches, play games, and experience all that the area has to offer. Christina explained that she goes strong until after lunch and that’s when they have some downtime. The girls are allowed to watch one show or take part in the quiet station while she sits, recouperates, and resists the temptation to just throw a load of laundry in or some other chore. She recognizes that her body needs the break and doing so makes everyone’s experience even better.

So what does daily life look like at home? I wanted to understand how expectations and house rules are managed when young children rotate between their parents’ home and two sets of grandparents during the week. Christina’s expectations of household rules were different from her daughter’s expectations. However, different doesn’t mean better-it just means different. She  explained that although this stage of life brings wisdom, she and her husband try to follow the parents’ lead.

At the same time, Christina’s daughter understood that some of her mother’s concerns were valid, agreeing that the girls should follow certain rules unique to Grammy and Grandad’s house. So when they are in her daughter’s home, Christina follows the expectations set there, even when they’re more flexible than her own. “We try to honor what they want. We’re definitely there to support them.” She added that her children now have their own ideas about parenting, and it’s important to respect that.

Grandparenting at this level is a huge commitment and it’s not for everyone.

While Christina and Scott’s grandparenting style is to engage through a lot of recreational activities, every grandparent has their own personal style and niche. With caretaking, individual lifestyle and the needs of children and adults should ultimately determine a family’s plan. Balancing those needs, identifying priorities, and designing a realistic routine can be tricky but very successful.

Some may view Christina’s decision to retire and be an integral part of her granddaughters’ lives as a huge sacrifice. However, I have the feeling she views it as a unique privilege and a short season of life for which she is thankful. Skipping grandparenthood was never an option for her.

Intentional grandparenting comes in many different designs and is unique to each individual family. The reward is not only in the impact of the grandparent’s influence but in the way in which both generations are enriched by one another.